cw: discussions of suicide + Bad mental health (it's not as dire as you think, dont worry)

a little while ago on twitter i almost posted "if you start writing an extensive suicide note but then feel better afterwards, does that count as journalling?" i then realized that would probably be extremely concerning to the people who follow me and know me irl, especially those who know where (approximately) i live and could send the police to do a "mental wellness check", so instead i posted "hot theys have funny tweets in their back pockets that would get them institutionalized". one of the internet's many "recovery tips" stresses that ANY sort of suicide joke is detrimental to your mental health, and to replace them with self-aggrandizing jokes -- how does that account for the negative effects of repressing your suicidal emotions?

which is a lot of words to say, maybe journalling is what i need. i DO have a personal (discord) diary i keep sparsely, so i can keep plausible deniability about not putting EVERY single emotion and thought i have onto the internet. i'm also keenly aware of this page being hosted on the same website as my professional portfolio, only a subdirectory away, but i don't get enough professional attention yet to be too concerned about that.

hopefully not all entries will be this depressing! heres some other things i want to get set up on my personal site (as you can tell by the sidebar, lol):